Holy crap its been so long since I've posted a blog. Wished I could have the past few months but I had no computer or internet and I hate typing long things on my crappy little phone. A lot, and I mean a lot, has happened. Phew I don't even know where to start. So like always I'll just start with the most recent stuff.
Work:
Been working at bk for about 8 months now. Holy shit time has flown. The crew that I work with at night has become like my second family. I love em so much haha. Definitely gonna keep a few friends from here. Maybe. Things have been iffy with me and one of the cooks, J, hes older, 43 years older than me, and we have gotten really close the past few months. We talk about everything. even sex stuff and I tease him quite a bit. Though I was teasing him when I was with my ex(long story) and now that we're not together he wants a whole relationship with and I don't. I just got out of semi serious relationship. I cant even feel! I'll admit I want to have sex with him cause he's experienced and no guy has ever made me orgasm and he talks about things that I want to try. Sigh. Fuck.
Money/Moving Out:
Boytoy:
So I have a bit of a boy toy haha. M. We drink, we watch tv shows and movies, we hang out, we talk, we have sex. Whoo boy I think I might be becoming a little bit of a nymphomaniac cause I just want to go over there and drink and fuck and I don't wanna stop. I really like being with him sometimes though. Not judgmental, except about my movie and music choices ha, and is always around when I need him. It's nice to have someone reliable around.
Exboyfriend:
So my bf that I was with, dumped me. He joined the marines and left without a word basically. When he left for his three month basic training we were perfectly fine and in love. Didnt indicate that he didn't wanna be with me in any of his letters and it was quite the contrary. Was always saying how much he missed me and wished he was back with me instead. Then he came back, and did nothing. Literally.
Was back for two days and had phone (ipod with texting) for a day and didnt even text me. I was scrolling through fb and I saw he posted his number on there saying he was back. And I stupidly texted him first. I should have waited for him to text me first. So I text him and it's like midnight and I see if he wanted to see each other and he said yeah that he was at our friend pestas house right in town. (I had texted pesta earlier that day asking if he had had any word from mike yet and he hever even replied) So I go over there and hang with them a little bit and it was kinda horrible. pesta never gave us a moment alone and mike didnt even seem like he wanted to kiss or hug or even touch me. hugged and kissed me a few times and then kept fucking poking me. And it was wasnt nicely either. Then after an hour or two I left cause they were falling asleep. So I got up to go and kinda took my time getting my shoes on and saying I was going and what not and he just sat there and didnt wanna walk me out or anything. Something he would have done before he left for his training.
It was like this for the whole week. Wouldn't text me, and when I texted him trying to make conversation he just wouldn't do it. Only tried to get together once and that didn't even work out apparently cause he didn't have a ride. And I took off that whole week cause I knew he'd be home. and if my fucking tire hadn't blown I'd have been over trying to see him but the roads to his house are fricken horrible and I was driving with a spare tire. So for the week I spent most of time over at my boytoys place. I found out from a friend that mike was spending most of his time over at other peoples houses partying and 'trying to get laid.' And not by me, his fucking gf.
Then came the little thing I planned as a homecoming party for him.
Over a month in advance I asked all of our friends if they would like to do somthing for him and what they would like to do. I gave them choices and we all agreed on the RenFest. So I made the plans that we would leave about 10am and go to The Pannekoeken Huis on our way down to eat and then go to the RenFest. I made sure that eeveryone would be able to afford it and would go. They all said yes. I dont care what anyone says that IS a commitment. And when Mike came back I asked him if he would like to do that and he said yes and that he could afford it. Timmy, Matt Victoria Arik, and Dan all showed up on time. But Derk Pesta and Mike kept us all waiting for an hour because they were fucking eating at subway when I told all them to be there at a certain time and that we had plans to eat on the way. Then they get there and I told everyone to get in the cars we NEED to leave. Dan and I drove. Derk, Pesta, mike, and Arik went with dan. Timmy, matt, and victoria came with me. They took a different way down than we did. So after awhile of driving we got to Pannekoeken and I didn't wait for them losers this time. We sit down and I have matt text them and ask them where they are, apparently they drove all the way to the RenFest, decided the line to get in was too long, turned around, and fucking went home. That pissed me off. They made us late for aboslutely nothing. They went back to pestas place and played video games the rest of the day and night. And the rest of us only had like 2-3 hours there cause they held us up. On the way home I had matt text em to ask if they wanted a bonfire at least when we got back. They said no. By that point I was seething and extremely suspicious. Arik told victoria that mike was acting and saying things like he was single. what I dont know. And mike apologized to victoria! Not the one who spent so much time planning a fun event for his time at home trying to do something special that they just fucking shit on for nothing! That killed my love for him. And when he left two days later with no reply to any of my messages, no explanation, no goodbye, no fucking nothing, i fucking hurt like hell, but that just killed it even more for me. I'll always have a small part that loves him, but it's not enough to fight anymore.
I was talking with my friend at work J and he told me more about the military and what mikes situation probably is than mike EVER mentioned to me. Apparently they like their slaves to have no connections and they break the weak. mike was weak and he let them brek him and throw me away. I wouldve done anything and gone anywhere for him but no, he wanted no more of it. Said we didn't get along, which was bullshit of course cause yeah, we've had our fights. Everybody fights and we're bith extremely stubborn. But when I tell other people the stories of shit he does/has done I'm pretty damn sure it wasn't me who was in the wrong. Especially with the RenFest shit. Everyone I told that story to agreed that that was extremely shitty of them and it's not an opinionated kind of story, its a factual one. If you understand what im talking about.
So after J informed me of everything and I thought about it for awhile I decided if he really wants to give up AGAIN then I'm not going to hang around waiting for a guy who treats me like shit like that. But of course he's not gonna get away without being bitched the fuck out like he deserves cause I did nothing to derserve this kind of disrespectful and inconsiderate treatment. From anybody. I don't understand what so hard about telling the truth nowadays. Like it's some kind of disease or something.
There ya have it. The story behind the break up with the love of my life. If I ever love again it's not gonna be for a very loooooonnnggg time.
Losing friends:
After that shit with the Renfest I tossed those 'friends.' Too often have they done shit like that and I was not gonna put up with it anymore. Pesta derk and dan have been kicked to the curb unfortunately. Gonna miss those fuckers but I ain't gonna put up with being treated like that and gettin shit on everytime I try to do something other than play stupid video games, cause thats all they really do.
Another friend I lost was D. Been friends for a few years and he was one of those friends that had a huge crush on me and made sure I knew it every chance he got. Was way too sensitive. I can only take so much shit before I snap and after telling him too many times to count that I only like him as a friend, did not want to date or anything like that, and would never feel that way I snapped big time. I told him if he couldn't get over me then we need to take a break from each other for awhile. Then he went and blocked me on fb. Didn't really need to go that far but fuck it. I'm sick of repeating myself and stressin over that shit so maybe it's for the better.
Kamelot:
Seeing Kamelot on Sept 13th was the best night of my life. I wish I could've seen them when Roy Khan was still with them but Tommy Karevik did a real good job of replacing him :D My dad and I went on a road trip to Kansas to see them cause thats the closest they were getting to MN on there North American tour. The car ride and the motels were horrible but it was worth it to see them live. And we had VIP passes!! So I got to meet them and take a picture with them! Oh man it was like a dream. When we got around to taking the picture I bee-lined it toward Tommy cause he is SO FINE! Ha and I am not kidding. Phew that man could do anything he wanted to me and I would be totally okay with it. And when I got right up to the stage I was filming the whole concert. We totally had a 'moment' :) I think theyll remember me cause of my multi-colored hair. They all told me they liked XD And when I saw the pics for their next concert, their guest female singer had a streak of yellow in her blue hair haha. Took a picture with one of the girls from Ekilpse and she told me she liked it too. The poster they signed, my ticket and wristband are taped to my door right now and I've worn the hoodie I bought there almost every single since then. I never wanted to take it off. And it was so lucky that I wore my Epica hoodie there cause the keyboardist for Epica was filling in for the Kamelot keyboardist and I had him sign my hoodie. Havent worn that yet cause I dont want it to fade at all before I iron it and make it permanent. Pretty much been non-stop listening to their music since I had a friend download all their albums for me as well heehee. Even have one from Conception, first band Roy Khan was with, and 4 of Seventh Wonders albums and that is Tommys other band. Would really love to see them in concert too cause theyre pretty good as well. Though not as good as Kamelot ha. Sigh I wish my dad had found them sooner. Or I had. Then I could've seen Roy. And his voice is number one in my book. Nothing compares to it. Ever read a book, and a a scene in it was described so vividly and perfectly that you felt like you could picture it clearly like you were right there? Well thats what his voice sounds like to me and Tommy can actually do but it's not as.... potent... as Roy. Still fricken amazing though :D hence the use of all the happy emoticons haha
